Ok. I am just going to say it. I am bored. This vexes me because, until recently, I didn’t believe that intelligent people could actually suffer from boredom. I am a curious person. I enjoy learning of all sorts. I am interested in almost anything and everything. How can I possibly be bored??!! I was in denial for a while. I thought perhaps I was bored with television (easy enough, turn it off). So, I gave up television for the most part. I wrapped it up in my “Lenten sacrifice”. I am “sorta” Catholic, so giving something up this time of year seems about right. That didn’t really help. I love my family, but really…they bore me. I am talking about my extended family. My nuclear family is kinda fun…but predictable…even the 4 year old, who to my surprise has a fan base on Facebook, is even predictably funny. I blamed my boredom on unemployment. I have been home for fourteen months now. I like it. I have worked since I was 14 years old and like the freedom of not having a job. It wasn’t by choice, I was fired. But I was sooooooooo ready to leave that gig. And it wasn’t like the job was exciting. So no, unemployment maybe isn’t to blame. Then I blamed it on the cold, snowy winter. I like being home. Literally, I can stay in the house for days on end without concern. I don’t get “cabin fever”. But perhaps I am finally missing having somewhere to go. It was warm yesterday, so we went out and did a few things: the farmers’ market, a trip to the bike shop, a drive-by of a not-yet-open but greatly anticipated market, a drive to get some delicious ice cream from a local dairy/creamery. Nope…still bored. Happy, but bored. Alas, I had to admit to boredom when I realized I am bored with food!!!
Yes. The thing in life I love above all other things (I said things, not people, people)…even that doesn’t do it for me anymore. It started out as a quiet cloud. But now it is full blown boredom. I’ve scoured books, magazines, food programs, food radio…I can’t get excited about any of it. Sigh…. The small artisan, boutique, gourmet, food havens that I like…no…not interested. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some really good stuff lately. I joined one of those snacks by mail programs. This has proven to be a fairly bright spot. The snacks are good…but I have to share them with the kid, so that joy is fleeting. One of my favorites of late was some uniquely funky cheese a neighbor shared. And there is the wine…the wine sampling seems infinite. Trying to enjoy that (in moderation, wink, wink).
Get a hobby you say? I have a hobby I love. I knit. And any real knitter will tell you that there is always something new to learn in knitting and there is always a stash of yarn and projects to be worked through. I’ve got all of that. Even have new babies to knit for. I visited a local yarn shop that I’d never visited. Bought some nice yarn to complete projects in my knitting queue. And as a bonus, a dear friend gave me a gift certificate for said yarn shop!! Ok, even typing that has cheered me up a bit. 🙂
I am also involved in a few other things which are also full on boring. I won’t even bore you with the details of those…that is how boring those things are.
I’ve wondered if maybe I’m not bored but maybe I am depressed. I’m not “sad”. I know clinical depression is a serious thing, so I don’t equate sadness with depression. Some of my best friends are depressed. Seriously, I’m not trying to be funny. (But it is ok if you thought that was funny…I am sometimes funny by accident.) No…I am pretty sure I am not depressed.
I think I am stuck. That’s it. I am making that a thing. Stuck is my diagnosis. It has been brought on by a combination of unemployment, lack of money, a very cold-long-snowy winter and not leaving the house really (because where am I going with no money!?). I do try to actually go outside. I like the kid to get some outside time whenever possible and I don’t want to suffer from vitamin D deficiency.
How will I become “unstuck”? I think when spring really springs I may, be cured. Spring holds a lot of promise. First there will be all sorts of food. Oh, I probably should have noted earlier that my food boredom has probably come about from my effort to eat organic, sustainable, local, seasonal food. That means that generally I am beholding to Mother Nature when it comes to my food options. The bad news is that I should have “put up” food from last growing season. (I did some, but very little. Lesson learned for 2014!) The good news is that I have tried some new food items that I would not have otherwise. Some were welcome (new fish, mushrooms, new nuts, new squash), some were not (artichokes…who knew I wouldn’t like them steamed? Not terrible, just not anything to write home about.) So, spring will be exciting. I am going to try all sorts of things…rhubarb, for instance. I think I may need to visit other food cultures. I consider myself pretty well rounded when it comes to food I’ve tried, but there is still a lot out there to explore. I am optimistic.
Would a boatload of cash help? Absolutely. Even a small toy boat full of cash. I know money doesn’t buy happiness. But it can buy me some really nice experiences to help me get un-stuck.