As we approach Mothers’ Day, can we all just agree that if we are here, we were born of a woman and have a mother? Some mothers are wonderful, some are horrible, some are somewhere in between. Those who have wonderful mothers believe theirs to be the best and those who have horrible mothers believe theirs to be the worst. Mothers’ Day is NOT a competition. One is not better, stronger, more courageous because she is a “single mother”…every single mother is a “single mother”. I am married to a man, but I AM the single mother in my nuclear family. Married women don’t necessarily “have it easier” because they are married and single moms don’t necessarily “have it harder”. (Some single moms I know have a network of support that I wish everyone had!) I know couples that are both women, but in my eyes, they are both single (as in individual) mothers to their children. Mom’s who never had the help of the father are also rowing a different boat than those moms who have a helpful co-parent. Every situation is different. Oh, and Dads who are doing it alone are NOT mothers. You get your kudos on Fathers’ Day. Also mothers who are parenting alone, by choice or circumstance, y’all are NOT fathers.
Also, a special shout out to those with horrible mothers. It must be a struggle I could not imagine. My mother drives me batty sometimes, but I love her dearly and recognize that she does the best that she can with the skills she has. I am who I am in part, because of her. And that is not too shabby. That said, if one has an absent or terrible mother, let that be. Don’t question why someone didn’t spend the day with, call, make dinner for, take out to brunch, go target shooting or Target shopping with their mother.
Mothers who adopt are mothers. PERIOD. I don’t really have much to say about this except if you question this as fact, you may be an ass.
I don’t know how a trans mother treats Mother’s day. Especially if she and her family used to celebrate her on Father’s Day. I’m guessing that is an individual choice and varies based on the family (as with all the other mothers). Likewise with trans fathers. If/when I find out more, I’ll let you know via my Mothers’ Day rant next year.
Some people no longer have a living mother. Some of these people miss their mothers desperately and Mother’s Day is a hard one. Some are glad she’s gone. Don’t judge…just sayin’.
I think once you become a mother, Mother’s Day belongs to you. Not your mother, your grandmother, your mother-in-law, or your God-mother. You shouldn’t have to share it with five other women UNLESS YOU WANT TO DO SO.
Some mothers like to have a fuss made on their day. Some do not. FIND OUT before you go planning and get your feelings hurt. Mothers of little ones might like dandelions and burnt toast. Some would appreciate a day free of the little ones. (Just being honest. Especially if she is at home with little ones 24/7). Some mothers with older children may like the house cleaned, yard work done or dinner prepared. While some others may want a fancy dinner out. And mothers, yes…they should know what you’d like, but why risk it? There is no harm in gently painting a picture of what your ideal Mother’s Day would like (hopefully well in advance and not while you’re reading the card they got you).
Another special hug to mothers who have lost children. This too is an unimaginable pain. She may have miscarried, she may have lost a child to illness, violence, or tragic twist of fate. She may have a child who took their own life. She will always be a mother and she may celebrate the life of one now gone or mourn on this day. If you know one of these mothers, reach out to her but also give her whatever space she may need on this day. Also, there are women who always wanted to be mothers, but are not. Some are Aunties or God-mothers, or just good friends. These women sometimes feel a little blue on mothers day too. Tread lightly.
And lets not forget those who choose NOT to be mothers. They are fine with their choice and don’t need anyone harassing them about “when” they’re going to have children or “why” they don’t want/never had any.
Lastly, women (and men) with pets. You may be filling some maternal void with your living responsibility, but unless you birthed it and it is of the same species, you are not its mother. Don’t expect cards and gifts and don’t buy your own and say they are from your “babies”. Ugh. There should be a “Pet Parent Day” or something for you. I think caring for a creature is a big deal and requires a lot of time, love, spirit, energy, money, etc.,…y’all need a day. Mothers’ Day is not it.
That said. Do you. Don’t overdo it. Don’t under do it. It is a contrived holiday that (like most of them) has gotten WAY out of hand. Good luck (especially to all the spouses and kids).